Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Deceit serves no cause . . other than selfishness and greed.

As a preface, this expose is lengthy and unless you have met James, are considering involvement, or are already involved, you may tire of what might seem like treading water in an ocean of detail wading through it. But I think the detail is important for those whose purpose it is written, and it was important for me to write it. I write at the risk of looking foolish. I didn't know that someone who appeared normal, not perfect, could be so greedily conscienceless and deceptive deep down into his soul. I take that risk with the hope it will help someone else.

This is about truth as I experienced it, so I invite all comments and/or critique for any necessary refinement. If you know James and just want to share, or if you want clarification or more detail, I invite that too. My email address is provided within this blog. I state many times throughout the blog that I have verification of what I've written, as I do. The purpose is because truth is a 100% defense against defamation or libel. James' posts were lies. I didn't file a defamation or privacy action against James, because the best possible outcome would have resulted only in a noncollectable judgment. Instead I chose to publish the truth, I believe a more beneficial deterrent to a fraud.

God's blessing and peace to you in the ebb and flow of your own life journey.

I have a specific purpose here, and that is to tell the truth for the benefit of other women.

My purpose is truthfully to tell my story about my relationship with James Crenshaw, so other women can believe what I found unbelievable. I first posted on the site, DontDateHimGirl.com in warning to other women. My post was accurate but without detail for the sake of at least some privacy, both his and mine. But then James retaliated, after saying he'd been alerted to my post by a "friend." He wrote another of his wholly deceitful and defamatory responses on Nov. 27, 2007. So I responded again, with a second post challenging his lies and refuting his accusations by providing additional, accurate detail. But then soon after, DDHG removed those responses deleting the public example of his typical deceitful and outrageous behavior, I assume because he hadn't followed any of their rules of anonymity or content. Again he had attempted to evade the truth and shift blame and suspicion back onto me. He made outlandish and false accusations about me, this time including fraud against my long-term business and lender relationships. Also in his post, James said the reason I wrote to DDHG was because I was mad at him for refusing to be part of one of my many schemes. And finally, he went so far even to accuse me of being investigated for fraud by the Montgomery County, Texas, D.A.'s office.

But you reap what you sow. And that's not just a cliche, that's God's promise.

Divine or ironic, however you choose to view it, it wasn't me who was being investigated, instead it was James. Just a few days after my second post on DDHG I was served in person a subpoena, on Dec. 7, 2007, requesting information about James. The Sergeant from the Texas Department of Insurance in Austin, Fraud Unit, said he was wrapping up his investigation for insurance fraud against James. He also said, based on his investigation and findings, a felony charge for workers' comp insurance fraud would be filed and a warrant served for his arrest. If convicted, this will be James' third felony conviction. Unknown to me while I was with him, he has been convicted of not one "innocent" conviction, but two larceny felony charges and one larceny theft charge for which he served time before being paroled.

I promised him long ago he would eventually go too far, and there would come a time when I would take action against his malicious lies and his nefarious behavior. I had also warned him never to threaten me again. I am keeping that promise and I am exposing a shameless con artist and, I believe, a potentially dangerous personality.

I started my own business many years ago, and there is no reason for investigation of me. I have no schemes, no record, and no longer a single thing personally to gain, other than to pass on what I experienced in the hope it will save other women from having to experience the same. I am not mad at James, nor do I seek vengeance. But after his last post and now yet another veiled threat, I will no longer ignore his malicious intent or his deceitful games with me or with other women any longer. I value privacy, but I'll no longer allow James to use that preference, an honorable heart, or fear to his advantage. I have myself and my property secured and I have my facts documented, just as I was instructed by professionals to do. My relationship with James ended March 12, 2007 after his last betrayal and after I had again questioned his integrity. I've refused to be part of his manipulations since, by enforcing a boundary he can't embrace. That boundry required him to get honest and face the truth.

Predator, Parasite, Personality Disordered
Liar, cheat, thief as I described him in my original post on DDHG did not do justice to adequately describing James or his behavior. James recently accused me of "opening this can of worms" in an email to me. I don't know how he conveniently forgets two years of his public threats, deceitfully vile and defamatory public posts, serial cheating, multiple concurrent relationships, attempted extortions, thefts, threats and/or stalking not only me but two male acquaintances of mine, and the damage he caused in my home. He also attempted to have me arrested more than once in his never ending attempts to manipulate the facts and whitewash his own wrongdoings and always present himself as the innocent victim and me the aggressor. Other than embarrassment, his attempts failed of course, but my initiation to law enforcement officials was beneficial because they were familiar with his kind of behavior of misplaced vengeance and the attempt to work the system. But more importantly they provided a pathway to me for guidance and support. His behavior is symptomatic of a much deeper problem, not my opinion alone.

I met James on a personals site in November, 2005, in person in January, 2006 and now hauntingly, I even remember saying to him back in the beginning that I didn't understand how any woman could ever walk away from his loving kindness. I am not generally naive to con artists, unfaithfulness, or to the ways of the world having worked as a divorced female in the construction industry almost my entire life. But James presents a very sympathetic
and convincing front and then he stealthily and purposefully takes advantage of unfamiliarity and inherent goodness found in most of mankind. Most normal people are probably not familiar with conscienceless premeditated deceit and betrayal in the pursuit of self gain, but especially not from one who sleeps in your bed and professes love and faithfulness both to you and to God. In business I'd experienced con games and knew how to protect my assets. But no life experience was proving ground for this. I was unprepared to protect my soul from conscienceless premeditated emotional rape and pillage disguised as Godly love. I recognized problematic behavior, but I had no real idea what or who I was dealing with or the impossibility of living with or changing it until after our relationship ended and I investigated further.

Initially James was kind, caring, gentle, and generous with his time and attention. Though his existence appeared meager, he seemed to represent honesty, hard work, and determination and he did have one marriage that had lasted eleven years, he said. He explained his past. He portrayed that he had been a victim of circumstance more than once, but claimed he was now getting his life straightened out and had worthy goals for a partnership and for life. He'd had four divorces, because of their infidelities, scheming, and/or becoming some sort of psycho. According to him, the second ex-wife once brandished a gun and the fourth ex-wife had set fire to his vehicle. H
e portrayed himself not as perfect but as honest and always faithful. His last divorce, sounding physically and emotionally horrific in detail, was from an unfaithful gold digger from out of state he met via the net, and it cost him everything including his home and business, he said.

One evening under country stars, he quietly admitted to being innocently convicted of "one" felony for the theft of a tractor when he wasn't able to produce a bill of sale. But he said had it not been for that one false and unfortunate incident, he would have run for mayor in the small town where he formerly lived as a well reputed, responsible, hard working, contributing business owner and active member of the community in Anderson, Texas. And his gentle, faithful, spiritual, giving, and forgiving demeanor lent great credibility to his stories. Also, we both rode Harley Davidson motorcycles and we both valued autonomy. Other than his criminal record, based on what he said and how he acted, I thought we had most everything important in common and I thought he was one of the kindest, most understanding men I had ever met, with the strength and ambition to forgive past hurts and move forward to reach worthy life goals. We continued our relationship beyond a friendship. Our promise to each other was honesty and fidelity as we agreed together using Scripture as our guide. Eventually he became a tender, thoughtful, and passionate lover.

My desire for autonomy, unfortunately, helped promote his game playing with relative ease. And sadly, he had taken some of the most verifiable details of his life and made a villain appear to be a hero. I also remember telling him once that there was something odd about feeling so close and intimately connected when we were together, yet feeling disassociated, different from lacking precedence (which would come later), once he walked out the door as he traveled frequently to work from Houston to Waco, Texas. From the time we met, though he said he had sustained an injury from recent local employment, he said he contracted work along with a friend named Mark, for a man who purchased houses to rehab in Waco. He said he had to work hard to make up for what he'd lost. I understood travel and having to work hard, as I'd done much of both myself. But what I was feeling wasn't missing someone who was gone working, it was something else and for a long time I ignored that uneasy feeling. Now I understand perfectly. It started with doubt, led to mistrust, ended in denial. The signs were there, but I allowed him to convince me otherwise.

When I first saw James' profile on the net after he'd contacted me, it said he was looking for friends who share his love of motorcycles, the same that I was looking for. He presented himself as semi-retired, finding jobs while traveling the country in his motor home. His profile was misleading (not necessarily uncommon), inviting readers to assume the most by writing the least and letting imagination fill in the rest. He's had to change some facts now, but his theme remains the same. Semi-retired travel is no longer of use because his motor home is gone but he has no retirement, having had no long-term employment, never did. Semi-retired meant finding handyman jobs repairing small equipment and minor house remodeling, but as far as I ever saw him travel was from the Houston area to Waco. The last I knew, that remains the same, but his listed occupation has conveniently changed from semi-retired to self-employed.

He still presents himself as a laid back and easy going Harley rider, but neither gang or yuppie type, who is just looking for friends. When you meet him he is very cordial and mannerly and absolutely non-threatening. He doesn't drink or use foul language. He is well groomed and usually very neat. He is determined without coming on too strong. To facilitate our meeting he produced a favor; he is clever. As you get to know him, he will appear reserved, empathetic, accepting, and very patient while he bends over backward volunteering, unasked, to do everything he possibly can do to help you, until he's gained your trust and/or your sympathy. James located work trailers for me, cleaned out a storage facility for the office furniture in it, said he had access to an equipment yard at no cost to him and he helped move my equipment there. He resembled a down-to-earth white night though I had no need for rescue, but it was most certainly a fairy tale.

Looking back, it is easy to see his game plan and that he executes it well. He misses nothing you tell him about yourself and then he is keen at using that information in becoming your best friend. He gains your trust and then he becomes exactly the person, everything you are seeking, in a relationship. I wrote the
script and he played the part, God first, relationship second, family then work, always faithful, autonomy, hard work, a simple Godly life. He listens very closely to everything you tell him and then your goals, values, and dreams, he makes his. I think most women want similar basic things, so he determines your priorities and then adjusts his, his history and his behavior to fit. For awhile I thought James was God sent. But it was all a lie, James lives a lie. He is an accomplished liar and a very effective impostor. Even with the red flags in his history and proceeding with caution as I did, I was drawn in beyond friendship by his polished loving performance and by extending boundaries. But over time James can't maintain his initial charade and eventually his mask will start to slip and your confusion will begin. One day his mask will drop away completely, leaving you wondering where the good man went yet believing he'll be back. But he won't, because the good man wasn't real to begin with.

If you get involved or stay involved with James, at an eventual junction of disagreement, I can promise you, you will witness James' rages, his vengeance, his jealousy, his coldness, his inability for honest and open communication, any conflict resolution, and any ability to bond in a reciprocal, loving relationship. You will see his abusive and controlling behavior in a repetitive cycle of deceit, denial, anger, and absence. The first time you watch Dr. Jekyll transform into Mr. Hyde, it will probably shock you. It did me. The honest and gentle man turned into someone I did not recognize in his unwarranted rage. It is unsettling to say the least to look into eyes that are empty except for rage. I was not the only one who witnessed it, yet I did not run as I should have and as others urged. When the going got tough, I got tougher, as he knew I would. He had done his homework.

Dedication, commitment, empathy, strength of character, Christian beliefs, all normal qualities, were difficult to set aside until I finally realized the depth of deceit that James is practiced at fabricating and accepted that he has total absence of conscience and no feeling or compassion other than for self, that he most diligently and skillfully temporarily conceals. He's had many years of practice, I think resulting in ingrained permanent behavior characteristics (in addition to genetics), some probably acquired and honed in prison I was told by law enforcement officials, in perfecting his game. (One official also noted that the amateurish tattoo on his upper left arm was typical inmate issue, probably not placed there by his brother as James had told me. Ironic if true, as that would make it an indelible red flag of an unremorseful ex-con that unfortunately those uneducated also will probably miss.)

But by this time, if you have invested emotionally in the kind, gentle and thoughtful James, as he planned from the beginning, that's when he has you and the "honeymoon period" will end. He will begin using your feelings for him against you. He won't, he can't, invest in you emotionally in return though it most certainly will appear he does. He'll want, he'll need, he'll lust, but he can't love even though maybe you'll see tears, unusually strong emotion, strong attachment, possibly even a marriage proposal as I did (though premature that he also prematurely touted to our friends). I accepted his proposal as something to work toward, but set a date not quickly as he wanted but well into the future to allow us adequate time to be sure. But I believe James' neediness is not for reciprocal affection, but for his own admiration and security. I think what you will see is not love, but emotional need and is void of true feeling or commitment other than for himself, that over time will become evident. That realization is difficult to recognize and accept when someone you think you know and by this time care about turns into someone you don't know, will never truly know because he lives behind a wall of secrecy and denial, both physical and emotional. But
I wasn't one to walk away from problems or not lend support.

Though his lies were building and his constant absences eventually became suspect, his traveling started from the time we met and in the beginning I had no way of knowing that when he said daily that he was going to work, instead he was going to another life and to other women. The absence of conscience or morality and the depth of selfish deceit in satisfying his needs, so obvious now, is what enables him to walk out the door into a secret life and someone else's arms without a second thought. I thought I'd met a caring and honest person with similar values who was committed to our partnership and to living well, and I thought our friendship had developed into a normal, loving relationship. But James doesn't bond, you will. He has no conscience, you do. You are probably honorable, he absolutely is not. I am not talking about seeking perfection as he accused, just reality and honesty. And only after our relationship ended did I find he was already involved elsewhere from the time we met, forward.

The experts say people like James learn what works and they use the same behavior, the same lines, the same game, again and again. So I've included here some of what I found. James accused me of having schemes, but let me show you schemes.

Since I've know him, James has changed his cell phone number four times, probably more by now. After the fact, I found he's had at least six different internet ID's that I know of. He's posted profiles on MySpace, Ringo, Hi5 and Tickle, and there's probably many more. Since January of 2007, he is now on his third different ID and profile on the free personals site Plentyof Fish.com alone. His screen name HarleyDaze has been taken by another, but his closure dates still appear for Ultraclassic1952 and Walkingtall52, where they were on for several months before removing each one throughout our relationship as I later discovered. It's a free site so when he needs to hide he closes his account and temporarily trolls sites that charge, but then he returns, just with a different identity. I found that James' profiles have been all over the net on almost every kind of personals/sex site offered. His profile as Walkingtall52, same screen name and with his favorite picture I had taken that was also on POF, is also on camazon.com sex personals and lists "Fetishes: Shaved Smooth, Participation: Possible Face-to-Face, Looking For: Kinda open minded, looking for interesting encounters." I saved a copy of that profile. Or if you're brave, look at Address4sex.com, Cruisers Online Now & Cruising for Sex where I was greeted with "NEED A HEAVY LOAD TO SWALLOW Male Co*ksucker ..." and where walkingtall52, Onalaska, Texas is listed as a member and recent visitor, April 2008 (update). Imagine the health issues he exposes unknowing women to with his deceit. If you are reading this blog, I applaud you, I knew nothing of "Googling" until it was too late. Unfortunately for the uninitiated, by now I'd guess he's figured it out too and has learned to keep his web activity anonymous.

But his worst betrayal not only to me but to himself, I believe, was that he posed as being a pious and Godly man. But, be not deceived, God is not mocked. Unless he changes his game, James will never admit to being on any other sites or to any other sexual liaisons, unless you happen to catch him. But even when confronted with exposure, he will still deny, excuse away, talk in circles, blame you, get angry, sign off and/or walk out to avoid any discussion of his behavior as he has with me. He will never admit or face any wrong doing, he will seldom apologize for anything. When I've now reread some of our saved IM conversations, pathetically unbelievable is what comes to mind and pity for anyone involved with him is what I feel.

One time James was driving while IMing what I now know was the fabrication of an elaborate story trying to explain away questionable behavior I'd asked him about. When he realized he was spinning something I wasn't believing and my questions became too probing, suddenly he said he hit something in the road, had to go, and he signed off, just one example from a plethora of excuses whenever he needs one or he needs time to regroup his lies. He never felt he needed to justify his behavior or his time, and getting to the end of a satisfactory explanation or resolution instead of an angry, finger pointing brick wall was a trying and mostly impossible process. A few months ago in trying to revive things between us again via another IM conversation, critical conversation was seldom done face to face, in his closest attempt at ever acknowledging any of his behavior he did offer, "Sometimes we make mistakes we regret, but that doesn't change something as deep as love for another person." That was his response after I finally named names and details of other women and of events in his life, all behavior he'd kept hidden or had excused away. Finally he knew that I knew, undeniable deceit and serial infidelity throughout our entire relationship. And, he wanted to overcome all that with empty words of love and carry on as before without facing or even acknowledging any of his behavior.

Getting honest is just not possible for James. He can't get honest with himself, and he will always have behavior to hide as he must, to keep his invented persona and his charade of life alive and well in his psyche. Obviously love means something different to him than it does to most. Once I confronted him, still no honest explanation, no discussion, no apology, no answers for all of his "mistakes" just empty words of love continuing to flow easily from his lips. He will face none of his behavior. His standard line was always that he claimed to be a work in progress (borrowed lines from an Alan Jackson lyric) and that he didn't dwell on the past. We are all a work in progress, but the rest is just the spin from someone lost in the depths of denial and completely unwilling to face or live in reality or honesty. Serial betrayal and deceit coupled with an absence of real empathy or conscience, is indicative of pathology and is symptomatic of a person without capacity to give or receive love or to achieve a truly intimate relationship.

From six months into our relationship I'd experienced his stone walling behavior and my mistrust had begun to grow. I told him, and many times since, without honesty there is no relationship. He never got it, the odds say he never will. I pushed him back, but I did not slam the door. Instead I overlooked, offered forgiveness and support, and/or the benefit of the doubt too many times for unacceptable behavior. But I wanted to know the truth, so after our relationship ended I obtained my own proof about the real James Crenshaw through a PI and other outside agencies.

This is how he plays his game. James almost always has his phone set on vibrate to hide his calls from you, not to be attentive only to you as he'd like you to believe. When you stop at a restaurant or you are out and about, he will immediately go to the men's room claiming nature's call but it is instead to retrieve phone messages and deal with other women while you are left sitting at a restaurant table or somewhere alone. He will occasionally take a routine, expected call in front of you to reinforce his legitimacy of how hard he works, how busy he is, and that he receives many "business" calls. At night, if you are with him, he usually secretly turns his phone off. James will excuse away anything and everything. He always has an answer and he can lie as easily as he can tell the truth without hesitation, they are intermingled and interchangeable to him. But after some time and too many lies you will begin to notice indirect and misleading answers and discrepencies over time.

When you inquire, initially he will feign hurt but eventually that will turn into anger that you would mistrust or even question him. From the issue of mistrust eventually it becomes dissent of any kind, short of total agreement with him that becomes the issue. He is conditioning you on his way to trying to control you and he will use anger followed by absence as a manipulative tool. James is absent frequently, being self-employed but only occasionally working, and that provides him plenty of free time, no accountability, and a ready excuse. But if not work, he will use any excuse necessary including staging a fight, getting angry, and walking out to get away from you for however long he needs in order to play his game, in that recurring cycle of deceit, denial, anger, and absence, to keep his time fully occupied with as many females as he can generate interest from.

He goes from initial "talks," promising and pretending compromise and understanding and methodically he arrives eventually at refusing to discuss any issue. And any issue that arises will be turned around and blamed on you, your mistrust, your selfishness, your wanting to control him, your demanding behavior. Instead of an exchange it will become an attack, a power struggle of righteous indignation rather than respectful exploration. You will probably start to question yourself. He will boldly and seamlessly lie about circumstances and facts and excuse away or completely deny any wrong doing. That is the deceit and denial portion of his dishonest game. If you doubt or question him, he will end up in a rage and will walk out and you won't see or hear from him for a time, either until he finds himself alone or if he starts fearing you may be through with him. But he'll wait until he thinks you've cooled down and learned your lesson about questioning or confronting what he does and, his rage implanted, knowing you will be cautious about inciting another, so he can pass off some story that will pacify you. That's the anger and absence portion of his game in addition to his "work" absence excuses, allowing him ample time in pursuit of other relationships. But it's all deceitful manipulation used to control and dominate you while he feeds his ego and continues to play elsewhere.

While you've remained faithful, naturally concerned and probably questioning what happened and wondering how the two of you can find peace, he's been off questioning nothing. Instead, he's been off entertaining himself with another woman, someone else he's been stringing along, no matter what he professes or how emotionally tied to you he "proves" he is. He will never allow himself to be without alternative company or to be found all alone with just himself. He tries to bully you into accepting his unacceptable behavior. You are at a distinct disadvantage because you are normal, you care, and you have bonded with him thinking you are in a normal relationship. He can walk out and into someone else's arms because he can't invest deep emotion, it just isn't in him to give though you probably won't recognize it from his convincing performance. He doesn't bond, he possesses, and fulfilling his needs will always come first. Because of shallow and immature emotions, anyone can fill his void for company and attention that he seeks, it's merely an ego fix for him. And he believes he is above reproach, that he deserves to do just as he chooses, he's entitled, while he deceitfully manipulates you. James has a chauvinistic disregard for women and that's his take on life, a love/hate relationship to women. When he can't get this game to work with you, that's when it's over and is time to move on. That's not normal and his deceitful cheating is not just a singular human indiscretion causing him regret, it's guiltless serial infidelity that is instead a source of pride and achievement to him. He obviously feels no remorse or commitment, instead just entitlement and it comes without regard for anyone but himself. That is who James Crenshaw is and it's how he lives his life.

Your choice is either to keep quiet or to protest, but his absences will continue either way while you wonder what he's off doing, or if you don't, you should. And you can accept or deny his infidelity (I'm sure you too will find it not believable), but when he's not with you, he WILL be enjoying himself with another woman. You can count on it. The correct choice, the only choice you have unless his absences, his infidelity and his deceit are acceptable and you are willing to share him with whomever else he happens to ensnare, is to walk away. And even if you are or become non-combative, his deceit, denial and absence will still remain in a recurring cycle. You will be treated no differently than I was, or the woman before me, or the one before her, or from those yet to come after, unless you are willing to quietly accept his way of life. And even if you do, eventually and also predictably as per his past history, he will devalue you and I believe become bored with "too easy" passivity and will move on permanently once he finds something better, even if you have settled for the part-time relationship he offers. He may again call it becoming "too clingy," which he gave me as the reason behind his third divorce from his eleven year marriage. Knowing what I know now, I'd guess that she finally asked him to give something more in return, that she just got tired of being the only one in the marriage. And also from what he'd said, I believe she tired of the financial stress from his intermittent employment at that time. I'd guess she started complaining, altering his lifestyle and his game, and he just moved on. In his mind however, she became too "clingy."

The experts say pathological behavior is predictable, and there is a stage called a devaluation phase, passed through once the initial infatuation pales when you'll start seeing more indifference, fault finding, and diminished importance of the relationship. With James, as his history shows, it is just a matter of time in getting to the same result, whether that takes months or years. He'll figure out just how much he must give to keep you in place. Likely for the sake of the relationship, you'll end up compromising, justifying, denying. You may look the other way when the relationship begins to seem lop-sided because he has manipulated you into believing he is someone he is not. But infidelity is unacceptable to me and without second chance, as he and I discussed at great length in the beginning. A relationship is pointless to me without common values of honesty and fildelity. Our values discussion initially was met not only with acceptance and agreement, but with vigorous zeal as he stood on his faultless "past history" of his faithfulness and his wives' infidelity, and his mutual belief in Scripture. James said sharing was absolutely unacceptable to him too, this coming out of the mouth of a lifetime serial cheat just setting the stage for another fantasy, pure deceit and manipulation.

James is constantly gone and on the move but always with a "worthy" cause, and he will provide you possible but deceitful excuses, stretching and manipulating your tolerance through guilt and sympathy while heaping on loving endearments and passionate reunions, convincing you he just can't live without you. But what he can't live without are other "conquests," his ego requires it, the same as with any other addiction. And he portrays that his displays of jealousy are love, and they probably are to him because I believe that he cannot differentiate love from need and possession. He has no concept of trust, yours or his. And in fulfilling his need, he will never miss or forego an opportunity to pursue a new female possibility, another conquest, on the net or just in passing, to feed his need, his ego, and add to his game. Don't make the mistake of thinking it can't happen to you, as I did, because it is insidious and from what I've discovered it can and does happen to just about anyone along the social spectrum, irrespective of intelligence, education, strength, wealth, position or the lack of. It is much easier to be fooled than you will ever imagine.

While James and I were together he watched no television, had no media connection at his home. His computer is his lifeline. It is also his supply, it provides his steady fix of feminine addiction. He uses an air card, is seldom without his computer, and is constantly online wherever he goes, even when you are close by sleeping and unaware. He sleeps only about four hours a night, and is available for chat on the messenger sites almost 24-7 while he's also scouring the personals for women.
I have found his searches are unrestricted, he contacts and invites contact from any and all women and of any age or status.

His constant attention to other women is not because of an admirable unbiased regard for others as he will want to convey being the "gentleman" he is, but in reality it's because absolutely any female is possible prey and as the deadly predator he is, he misses no opportunity. He doesn't just post a profile and make a few contacts, again I think he methodically contacts each possibility when he joins a site, and he monitors new subscribers, making contact and storing details of each possible connection as he works through his priorities for later attention, as I believe he did with me, missing no opportunity.

I was looking for a regular weekend riding partner, not someone still responsible for a small child and weekend visitations. We exchanged pleasantries and both moved on. But after some time, I was surprised when he emailed me again, and then he turned initial mutual indifference into later insistence, though always very polite. I even asked him if he'd had trouble meeting someone more compatible. He told me no, that he'd started a new job and hadn't had time for anything but work. Only much later when a discussion in front of his adult daughter prompted detail did he tell me that he'd met, had a sexual fling, and obtained this new job from a woman he'd met on the net. By the time he told me about this, he said she had since married. Yes he had been very busy in those intervening two months, but only God and James know just how busy. This same job is where he said he sustained an injury in January, shortly after starting work, and I'll refer to it again later.

Deceit and game playing begin from the time you meet him, but he's not just an internet "player," playing is his way of life. He was slow but methodical from then on, and he doesn't give up. I think he finds and either gets culled or he culls those who don't offer possibility, but amicably he is capable of retaining female friendships with his practiced, helpful yet unassuming, it's all about what he can do for you while claiming exceptional particularity, for times when he has no one better to spend time with, for later cultivation. He misses no one. But little he tells you will be the truth.

At the same time he's constantly trolling, he is also constantly in your life professing he's not involved elsewhere. Once you get involved he professes fidelity and no inappropriate involvement with other women, while he continues constantly trolling, but without his having physically to be there with you for much of the time because he'll always be "working." He becomes a major part of your life but much is in absentia, it's via his computer. If you begin living together or staying together regularly, it will still be business as usual for him because he will tell you daily he's "working" whether in town or out, though he will invent any excuse he thinks will suffice for any needed occasion. He will always appear to have little free time, he's constantly "on the road" taking care of business, but you will never have any real idea of where he is, what he is doing, or who all he is chatting to or has on the string. It provides him with constant stimulation, fresh companionship, and his next target once you've had enough, catch him, or he realizes his game will no longer work with you.

He made a show of giving up his computer and/or the net more than once with me, his idea, one time even as part of a religious fast, and he also added that he was giving up working in Waco as part of that fast because it took him away so much of the time, all in order to "remove anything that stands between me and loving God, you, or my children." But with the same difficulty in fighting or in just pretending to fight any addiction, he wasn't successful. It wasn't total nor did it last. He still needed his computer just for "work" and it wasn't long until it was all forgotten and Yahoo Messenger reappeared on his computer. But take note, not even God is beyond his hypocritical use, so realize where that undoubtedly leaves you.

He communicates his status to you (and others) throughout the day and night via Instant Messenger status message lines, i.e., Good Morning Texas, Let's Ride, Rain On A Metal Roof, Let's Play Naked In The Rain, Steak Night, My Favorite Color Is Chrome, Turn Out The Lights. And he uses his favorite country artist, Alan Jackson, song titles, i.e., Let's Call It A Day, ww dot Memory, It's Five O'clock Somewhere, to relay his status and/or what are supposed to be his "feelings." When you've had a fight and if he's found himself alone and wants to reunite, "I'm a Little Bluer Than That." You will naturally read into it "hidden" emotion behind his message based on the song's words and your relationship with him. But his "show" is usually for more than one woman at a time, while he lies and tells you it's only you he is "with." He is an expert at "chatting" to several at once yet while denying it. He excuses away time lapses, and if you suggest he is chatting to someone else he will get angry and then make himself invisible to you so he can continue on uninterrupted with someone else. But because of the personal nature of the status messages and your "loving" relationship with him, you'll probably believe it's only displayed for you and you'll not believe he could possibly be displaying it to anyone else. But think again. He can and does. And realize just how easy it is to allude you by being "invisible," and by changing and/or hiding identities with Yahoo, MSN, Google, AOL, etc., instant messaging with multiple accounts and with different screen names. And don't think he doesn't love playing these internet games too.

"Once In a Lifetime Love," that song was his tribute to "our" relationship, its meaning is obvious. But if you saw it in December 2007, you aren't the only one he was displaying it for. Lately it's been "Like Red on a Rose." Another Alan Jackson love song and more internet games with me and with others. He posts a love message, but then he makes himself invisible and signs into POF, his message of love one minute and trolling for women the next. If he wanted it private, as anyone would think he should, that is easily accomplished through site features that he is well aware of. When you are on the receiving end, however, you have no way of knowing who all is viewing his status messages and who else he's manipulating. And speaking of POF, before he took himself off in May, he'd just sent a woman on POF a "rose" and within the next day or so he again tried to initiate yet another conversation with me. He just doesn't get it, faithfulness or honesty, nor does he give up or ever get enough. But he'd again underestimated my resolve as he has many times times now, to understand his true personality and to play no part in it. But James' artificially inflated ego often blinds him to false infallibility.

And has he "thrown his date book over the fence" yet? That's his way of asking for a commitment also through the words of an old country song, to be exclusively his. In retrospect, though I thought it quaint at the time, it is now easy to spot his inability for direct verbal expression. He'll probably use it again or something similar if it gets that far, but never believe he is planning on or capable of commitment to just one woman. But equally important, recognize his reluctance and inability for direct and open communication, though initially James professes and attempts to show just the opposite. Also realize, though I didn't, that his computer usage isn't just quaint and seemingly thoughtful, besides supply it solves much of his honest communication problem. Sex will eventually become another tool as a substitute for honest communication.

His refusal for honest and open, eye to eye conversation, allows no avenue, no possibility for an exchange of ideas or any exchange of real, not enacted, emotional truth discussed in calm and with openness or intimacy, no meeting of the minds, conflict resolution, or growth. He retreats into the safety of withdrawl. Over the years I think that withdrawl has shut him off to his own reality, leaving him incapable of real intimacy, not sexual, but deep and honest emotional intimacy with anyone, not even himself. He has the intelligence, but not the emotional maturity or the desire. He is fearful of and insecure about discussing his emotional reality. He tells you only what he wants you to know. If he can't dominate a discussion, he will avoid it at all costs. He will accept no fault or blame, nor does he truly want resolution or true intimacy. He wants his way, and he slams out a door and he hides behind a screen to avoid reality and honesty, necessary elements that two normal adults in a healthy relationship must have. But it protects his lack of empathy and hidden agenda and it furthers his game of deceit.

How blatant are his lies? You will probably never imagine that anyone could be so devious or so void of emotion, save anger. He misrepresented himself to me initially in his profile and his masked existence continues to this day about who he is, what he wants, and what he is doing. James has no credibility and he cannot offer you reality when he will not recognize his own. This is a man who takes off for a weekend with one woman, gets alone and then IMs or emails another, and lies to both or to all, because he needs to be in more than one "committed" relationship at a time. I've been on both ends of that behavior and more than once I finally discovered. Continuously, different women come into and go out of his life because he's always searching. When you have reason to inquire, if admitted at all, he will call her, a "friend" if he cannot avoid complete denial. He will find a workable excuse.

This is a man who sobbed in my arms begging me to give up a platonic friendship that had evolved with someone from a past relationship. James was gone much of the time but I continued to enjoy riding and attending motorcycle events with this male friend in his absence. I refused to sit at home and wait. James gave me several ultimatums concerning this friend that I refused to comply with because of my growing mistrust, and we had separated. But that didn't stop James from stalking and making abusive and threatening phone calls, one night all night long and then appearing outside my door uninvited, witnessed by many as I was entertaining out of town guests. I retained some of his vile answering machine messages. Foolishly I did not report any of his behavior. I was always hesitant to make it a legal or a public matter even though he never was. But James called me soon after that, having an emotional melt down and I went to him. I had refused to give up that friendship because we initially agreed to retain innocent friendships and I had been honest and open both with him and with this friend. But more importantly, I had refused because I mistrusted that he'd done the same as he'd claimed yet as he was so very emotionally demanding I do.

I had no real proof, just a feeling and some questionable and unresolved behavior. James accused me of using this friend as a crutch. I told him that decisions based on honesty eliminate using another, because it makes it a free will choice. I believe honesty keeps us each responsible for our own decisions and prevents the deceitful use of another. I had no hidden agenda, no lies on my part between us, and no higher earthly priority than James, but I was not going to be manipulated into giving up my friends or their support without a change in James' attitude about his unreliable behavior, his refusal to face and resolve conflict, his anger, and his seeming lack of priority for our relationship in lieu of his constant and last minute "work" absenses that also contributed to my mistrust. This was around seven months into our relationship. Obviously, trouble had begun.

Only after James and I ended did I discover that my mistrust he had excused away but promised to work to repair, had indeed been warranted. Through all of this emotional play acting of his, through his stellar performance complete with an emotional meltdown, not only hadn't he given up his cache of female "friendships," he hadn't given up a romantic relationship with a woman he'd met before meeting me that still continued, who had recently moved a couple hours away from our area. He put on this emotional performance so I would give up an admittedly troublesome but none the less a platonic friendship, but while he was spending a great amount of time romancing another woman. Just one example of his hypocrisy and deceit at its finest. He knew exactly what he was dealing with, with me, while I had no idea what was going on with him behind my back. I had not yet seen James' in a full blown rage, but when getting angry hadn't worked and we had separated, he instead used this very effective sympathy ploy. James wants to dominate and control your behavior, while he deceitfully holds himself and his behavior accountable to no one. Since he is such a prolific liar and game player, I believe in his mind probably everyone else must be too.

Almeta, from Mart, Texas
James was always "working" and much of the time he said it was in Waco. And after a fight and a brief separation, we'd have a third degree verbal battering and he'd rail about what I'd been doing and who I'd seen, yet I never felt he admitted truthfully where he'd been. I just knew he never stayed home. Reality was, it was anywhere he found an open door when he and I were not together. But if there was no one more convenient, then he went to Mart, Texas to this woman who had recently moved there he'd met in Houston named Almeta. I learned that Mart, Texas is twenty miles from Waco, where James always said he was working. To cover up for the time he spent with her and off his computer and phone, whether after a fight or in the normal course of his work, when he was in "Waco" he told me either he parked his motor home when he took it, or he stayed with the father of this friend, Mark (I never saw or met him), who lived in the country where there was no signal coverage (always has an excuse). I would hear from him as his schedule allowed throughout the day, but not at night. Almeta lives in town where the coverage is fine, but of course the opportunity to call wasn't. James was sleeping part-time with Almeta during his emotional meltdown performance with me yet he attempted to get me to give up a platonic friendship I enjoyed during these sleepover absences. But that is how James' sense of "justice," control, and retaliation work in his world and without a shred of guilt.

In investigating, I discovered Almeta provides many things he needs. He uses her address as his own when not inconvenient. Her address (unknown to me at the time) was listed on his driver's license that he'd said was an old temporary one made necessary during his bankruptcy that he just hadn't gotten around to changing. His current and personal information is included along with hers in her public records. Besides housing rehab, he's tried to base delivery businesses, HarleyDaze Dog Transport and Harley_Daze Interests, with UShip out of Mart, Texas, including the payment account through a Mart bank. Almeta also provides his vehicle financing and/or the same lender as hers she secures that he was unable to obtain on his own, according to my PI and to what James himself had partially admitted but as part of his past (laces fact and fiction). He generates work in her area for a "legitimate" excuse to spend time with her. His current fraud charge is being litigated in McLennan County where Mart is located because that's where the bulk of his work was done while we were "together." "Working" out of town provided the perfect opportunity for carrying on his lifestyle, a secret life with different women.

Whether for appearance or in reality, they appear in her public records as a couple. Their information and their lives are intermingled. And they were intermingled before, during, and after our "honest and faithful" relationship and our "engagement" without James ever breathing a word to me about her or any of it. He stayed with her part time yet while I allowed him briefly to stay with me in my home. You will probably think that no one could possibly get around secretly and quickly enough to sustain that kind of amorous lifestyle. That's what he wants you to believe, but that is exactly what he does, and he enjoys it. And I wasn't the only one he manipulated similarly. He made regular and frequent trips to Mart while at the same time in addition to me, he initiated other relationships. He romances his best deals at your expense and constantly feeds his ego and his insecurities, while he bleeds women dry of whatever he can get them to pay for or provide.

After his emotional plea to give up the male friendship of mine, though I had not given in to his demands, I did think it brought us closer. His behavior seem improved and he displayed deep emotion feigning abiding love, and he reiterated his long-term commitment to me. I sympathized because of the emotional unbalance and unusual anger I'd seen. We'd talked about his needing to address it, and he'd agreed he needed and would seek counseling. And so we continued our relationship. A couple months later I'd gone to see him and to talk to him at his motor home upon his expected return from a counseling session he told me he had scheduled. We had been IMing up until he left for his appointment. When I arrived I found an unfamiliar mini van parked in James' driveway and he and his motorcycle gone that afternoon that I'd stopped by unannounced, though I'd called several times and left voice mails. He hadn't been answering his phone. Inside his motor home I found a woman's large suitcase and belongings and her clothes and his draped over the captains' chairs, after having just left there myself with his words of love and his unsolicited commitment of my home always being there with him still ringing in my ears.

He still wouldn't answer his phone but late that same night he evidently escaped this woman's company because he emailed me, deceiving both of us, telling me he was taking some needed time alone after a devastating counseling session discussing our problematic 9-month relationship. I had stopped in to see him after his session to suggest perhaps it would benefit if we attended counseling jointly. But reality was, he was out of town overnight with Almeta, with his motorcycle on the front end of a holiday weekend. That was blatant and conscienceless. I was truly devastated to walk in and find another woman's clothes and belongings strewn about in the places where mine usually were. I returned later, long enough to stuff a note in the woman's bag telling her about our relationship, sharing that he had asked me to marry him, that I had just left his home and bed and his many promises of renewed commitment, and wanting to know who she was and what she was doing there. This was written on the bottom of yesterday's "I love you's" from an instant message conversation we'd had and I'd retrieved and printed, asking her to contact me along with my contact information. I was "engaged" at the same time I was unknowingly the other, or just another, woman.

At the time I didn't know anything about Almeta or where she lived, but because of his "religious fast" from Waco he'd offered and his proposal, I didn't see then that he was most likely temporarily torn between two women, torn about giving up the financial and open door perks evidently without complaint Almeta provided that I did not, or that I was merely more supply caught in the game of a greedy con artist on the take behind his mask of enduring love. At any rate, I believe he again felt the lure of a "better" relationship or more accurately I believe he thought that I could provide things Almeta couldn't. Bluntly, I was wealthier. And for awhile, I believe he thought I could be the "forever" that would bring him what he seeks. But thus far Almeta provided financial support and acceptance that I didn't, as I wasn't complacent or submissive, nor did I donate to his financial predicament. I still choose to believe some of his earlier behavior, at least up to two months prior, was due to some mental anguish of indecision, but not just between the security of an old relationship and the promise of a new one. I hold to my belief from what all I felt from him and witnessed that there was, wishful thinking only perhaps, but a glimmer of consideration of something better and deeper from my example and our discussions, not between two women but between two different worlds, one that didn't include God's influence and one that did. If so, it was but fleeting. Only James and God know how much of the rote scripture he recites reaches his heart. But this is my personal fine line of hope I draw between the no possibility of change that the experts predict, from what God teaches and promises, that as long as you have breath it is never too late for true repentance and change. One begins with human counseling and the other begins on your knees with God, but both must begin with self motivation and truth.

I believe that the "old and new" relationship evaluation process is one James continuously repeats with each new infatuation that he feels with each new relationship he initiates. But he is always too fearful and too greedy to give up the old for a gamble on the new with its uncertainty, so he lies and uses all and the old become his crutch while he cultivates the new. Some last, some don't. But he builds each new relationship upon a foundation of lies and deceit, and without your knowledge of what he's really doing or trying to cultivate. At the time you don't realize there will never be compromise or fidelity with James, not with the syrup that drips from his forked tongue and his displays of exceedingly strong emotion. It is self defeating behavior for a normal relationship. Yet it is self perpetuating behavior in an ego addiction and a quest for domination. There is no justice to you or to him, but when you're in the middle of all that game playing with its high emotion and drama, it is difficult not to mistake what is happening as love. At this point, it's difficult not to care, yet recognize that he really doesn't. James cannot identify with those feelings so he doesn't care, he only needs.

Continuously cultivating new relationships garnering attention and promise is a heady ego boost for James, but at the first sign of a chink in the armor of an immature infatuation, an inevitability as his invented persona starts to unravel and he meets with any resistance, a disagreement, he runs to a sure thing that he has kept waiting on the string. Of course he'll say he's not involved elsewhere when you meet. Though he says he's uninvolved and masquerades to be, he is not looking for a normal relationship with mutual accountability and faithfulness. That is his self defeating behavior with a foundation built on lies that he brings to each new relationship. Though hidden, it's still felt it and it poisons a relationship from the beginning, it did with me anyway. No matter how convincing he seems to the contrary, he will have someone else besides you. Unless he changes his game, he's looking for someone who offers security and faithfulness but who will accept, or he thinks he can mold into accepting, his unquestioned freedom and his double standard. That's deceitful manipulation and control, and he will use you to feed his needs, expecting behavior from you that he will not return though deceitfully promised, for as long as he can make it last. That is the self perpetuating behavior of his likely unbreakable cycle of repetitive pathological relationships. A relationship with James will last only as long as you are willing to accept it or he thinks he can get you to accept it. And as much as you convince yourself there can't be anyone else, there will be. He will make it happen, and he will fool you.

Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, arguments, high emotion, and trouble begin as his pathology starts to become evident through his behavior. And once he realizes you aren't going to agree to provide his goal of total submission, possibly his mind mistakes for subservience, you become important only as far as what he can get from you. With a good act, lip service, and empty promises his game deceptively continues as he divides his time and lies to everyone involved as he figures out his best deals and a sure thing from a passing fancy, while his search for forever continues elsewhere and his ego remains constantly stroked.

The ebb and tide of any woman's relationship with James is in direct correlation to who else he has, who else he meets, and what someone else is providing him and the value he places on that provision. It has nothing to do with mature feelings, commitment, or dedication, and everything to do with what's in it for him. James is easily and quickly infatuated. His patterns of behavior are now very predictable to me. This behavior continued throughout the tenure of our relationship as he added more women to our mix. He never did give up "working" in Waco or me, nor was he ever honest. His constant predation forces him to make choices, and those choices are based solely on getting what's best for him with absolutely no regard for the truth or for any consequence his behavior has on anyone else. Notice that the crutch he accused me of using was instead, his very own behavior being mirrored back. Pay close attention because what he will accuse you of, likely he will be guilty of himself. That is the agenda of James' secret life he besets upon women, always hedging his best parasitic opportunities, always keeping spares for his insatiable appetite for stimulation and for mitigating his fear of aloneness, never letting go of a sure thing if he can prevent it but doggedly not until he has her replacement sufficiently enmeshed in his web, yet always still searching for more. I had no idea the depth of his blatant deceit or pathology while we were together. That behavior was so useless, so foreign to me, especially because I had made it clear there would be no free ride from me, that I could not grasp someone so convincingly loving could be just an emotionless and calculating user.

I still cannot fathom that outrageously self serving and guiltless behavior, fraught with his deceptions against women, manipulating their emotions and lives just to feed his existence. He initiates local relationships while clinging to and manipulating an older woman behind an always open door in Mart, or others usually found from the net, the longer the distance between the easier to deceive, all used solely for his entertainment and betterment. He's always looking for the better deal and one who will provide him the most in the best combination of entertainment, financial support, emotional security, and a blind eye to his absences and womanizing, all behind his veil of deceit.

I can think of little that is more contemptible than a greedy, insecure, parasite who has no remorse for deceitfully spreading his spawn and leeching off of women while he propagates his delusions of superiority. As one so obviously obsessed with not being alone with himself at any cost, at his age all this deceit seems totally self defeating in the long run to me. One day in the not too distant future, sadly I can only believe he will wake up an old man all alone. A man who is kidding himself of the unlikely possibility that any woman, even the one behind the open door in Mart or the next he entangles in his web, won't eventually wise up or would accept living the rest of her life under the same roof with his emotional and physical poverty, his constant absence, deceit, and manipulative abuse, for virtually nothing in return but an occasional sleepover, a motorcycle ride, and perpetual mistrust and misery. From God's promise, he will continue to reap what he sows.

But the next day after they'd returned and Almeta had gone, he contacted me. I saved, what is now very clearly, a deceitful, convoluted, nonsensical excuse received via an IM. I had not yet told him I was aware of a woman's clothing inside his home until after he'd "explained" what he'd been doing. Once I confronted him and he realized he had backed himself into a corner, anger and retaliation took over, then avoidance and absence. His next IMs contained a revised story and an outlandish threat to report me to Homeland Security if I persisted in any kind of further investigation into his story. First he tried to accuse me of stealing, but of course he could name nothing that had been stolen. Then he accused me of spying and illegal entry that involved "exmilitary people," that Mark's friend along with his female partner, both exmilitary, had been there looking to purchase his Jeep (which never sold because "the deal fell through"), and that she'd changed clothes to ride in the topless Jeep on their way to complete the financing at an out of town bank, and he had spent the night with a local relative.

I now know that is blame shifting, projection, gas lighting. His behavior became my fault. I had used a key he'd given me as part of our "forever" after he'd failed to return my key when I'd asked for it back upon a previous disagreement. Obviously now, he most certainly feared me exposing him further to this woman and he tried threats and tried to undermine my reality and shift focus off of himself by exclaiming my mistrust and betrayal of him. At that time, I realized I was dealing with pathology of some sort that even caused possible infidelity to pale, and that needed to be addressed. I promised him I would meet further threats with my own action. We separated.

I want to point out the depth of his lies and deception and the lengths he is willing to go with absolute disregard for anyone in his fear and insecurity of exposure and in pursuit of his addictions. His callous sudden and unannounced disappearance, his late night email deceiving two women, his exploitation of the "devastating counseling session" in his "distraught" over our relationship to elicit my sympathy, his pathetic subterfuge in those lengthy and convoluted IMs to conceal the truth about Waco and Almeta, and his threats to engage in legal action against me for not believing him, all for a weekend rendezvous and to enable him to continue his game, they are all a good example that now substantiates for me the unrestrained behavior described by professionals of a pathological personality. They don't love, they claim ownership, and in their fantasy existence you will go from being cherished to being coldly and callously objectified in an instant if you get in the way of what they want, in their fear and rage. Their behavior is unpredictably boundless in the lengths they may go to obtain what they want, and James behavior did become increasingly domineering and vengeful, frightening at times. Don't allow him to spin away the details as I did, because there is no truth in him and he ignores all normal boundaries, so evident to me now. Recognize his life long patterns of behavior. Consider the danger in the depth of pathology with someone who is without a moral compass, without a conscience.

James' behavior manifests pathology and that behavior is not something he exhibits one day and by meeting someone new or announcing it to be so, that he can change the next. Most experts place the odds for changing pathological behavior and learning to relate in healthier ways at about ninety-nine to one, no possibility. He cannot be a pathological liar one day greedily spinning an outlandish tale like mentioned above and then become an honest man the next. James can't control his anger or his sexual appetite. And it won't be you who brings about any change either. That's why his "I'm getting my life in order now," as much as he promises himself or you, just as he did me several times, doesn't and won't happen. He can't face the truth, he doesn't have the mental tools. And that's why I believe I can accurately predict the course and the eventual outcome of any relationship with him. I've heard that "I'm getting my life in order" statement from him several times now, but it's just another recurring theme of his to excuse away his behavior, lead you to hope, and keep you involved. Don't let him use it on you.

He continued to maintain his innocence the entire time we were together and in the last two plus years, he has never directly admitted or revealed anything about he and Almeta, or he and anyone's circumstances. He will not face his fraudulent behavior, much less does he see any need for change, no matter what comes out of his mouth. He truly sees himself as being without fault. And Almeta's name was just one of many I confronted him with a few months ago. But beyond belief I still got his recent avoidant response about his mistakes not changing his deep love I stated previously, and I also got his blind and grandiose thinking that I could possibly ignore it all and continue again. Now I realize this is all predictable pathological thinking.

The only way he will even make mention of Almeta or any others I'd guess, is once he reads this blog. Undoubtedly he will give you a litany of excuses, he'll have to with this blog now public, and I can assure you he will present himself as the sympathetic victim of a scorned, conniving, and lying woman, just as he claimed they all were before me. Do not believe him. I hope I have given sufficient detail that his further spin will be impossible in excusing away the potential harm that I believe lies within him. I have nothing to hide and have provided a willing and open invitation for contact in order to attempt to put a stop to his damaging behavior, his manipulation of the truth, and his predation of women.

His lies were verified only much later with a surface investigation by my PI, and it didn't take much information to open my eyes. Errantly, my own personal ethics prevented me from contacting my PI to investigate James while I was still involved with him. But after I did, things fell into place and his stories all fell apart. Unfortunately, Almeta never contacted me. I would guess James' influence was overbearing. But she did indeed forfeit an opportunity for us to uncover his lies and discover the truth for all three of us and long ago. I realize that some choose to live in denial as I myself did for awhile, even though I had provided her a pathway for uncovering his deceptions. That was her choice, though she can't be clueless of his behavior after reading my note, so I can only guess that either she is accepting of it or she is lost in the fog of his lies and manipulations. Also unfortunately, as time passes her face will be replaced with others. I cringe at the thought of that, because that kind of betrayal offers only damage and not just to his targets of affection, but to everyone else involved including his targets' families, especially the children, yours and his own.

Some time after that incident he showed me that he had the note I'd left for this woman as though that proved his innocence. In addition she had not contacted me, and at that time I still did not recognize his ability to so convincingly and so deeply deceive and manipulate the truth. He still vehemently swore by his story. An unlikely story, including the necessity of out of town financing, and selling his Jeep was not really taking time alone, but it was remotely possible I convinced myself. We had separated but later after a "cooling off" period, both to give me space and I imagine for time to repair any damage my note may have caused, James and I reconciled after his continual denials, there was "no girlfriend," no "Ms. Minivan" in his life. Of course I eventually found the minivan was registered to Almeta, a woman who helped support him.

I have emails and IMs insisting there never had been any other women in his life and that he had remained faithful, that he loved only me and did not want our relationship to end. He prodded boldly, even accusatorily, when will you ever learn to trust and believe in me. Obviously a gross hypocrisy now. He was very convincing, and I couldn't imagine any woman remaining involved with him after seeing my note and his "I love you's" written to me. His behavior was convincing, this had been so painfully confusing, and I was torn about what was the right thing to do. I knew he needed help and support and I wanted to believe in him. He agreed to joint counseling, I agreed to continue and give it more time. But our relationship after that was similar to the commercial that shows a piece of gum being stuck over a crack in the dam, though he continued always to profess faithfulness and fidelity to our relationship, always my requirement. I can assure you, as much as you tell yourself with you it is different, it won't be. He is who he is. But most certainly he will find a way to attempt to convince you otherwise. Don't believe him as I did.

I think by this time he chose to feel betrayed because of my male friendship I wouldn't give up and that he was deserving of any method of vindication, also realizing I would not provide the long-term submissiveness he demands or the free ride. It was at this point I believe his search for "forever" resumed, irrespective of Almeta or myself, looking for another who would better serve his needs, though our relationship deceitfully continued on much longer. Hindsight is always 20-20 and I was only opening the door to further abuse. I foolishly thought I could eventually bring about change in our relationship for the better and I wasn't positive James had been unfaithful. I misunderstood all his strong emotions and the deep connection I saw and felt. Confusion had set in. And it only got worse, his game of don't believe what you see or think, believe what I tell you to believe. At the time, I thought setting a strong Christian example was the answer, the right thing to do because I cared about him and his happiness and success in this life and the one hereafter. I also held a traditional but often mistaken understanding of unconditional, biblical love, and my true obligation in loving others as you do yourself. That is a God-built boundary for self protection that I misunderstood. So much like the infamous Tammy Wynette song, I was standing by my man. I continued to reiterate that getting honest begins on your knees in prayer and repentance, and that without honesty there is no relationship. That remains a universal truth. and I still thought he understood that too, somewhere in his religiously enlightened heart. The possibility of an existing mental disorder, as we had discussed bi-polar personality disorder symptoms, became more of a focus as he excused away possible infidelity. My genuine care and concern kept me involved with James, just at more distance and our relationship remained "mutually" committed but volatile and further played right into his game.

Kim, from Magnolia, Texas
Toward the end of our relationship and immediately after another fight and reconciliation sought out again by him, he said he was going on a previously planned weekend "solo" gambling excursion out of state and to sell some lots he said he owned in Oklahoma. I thought he'd told me another time he'd already sold the lots, but he convinced me my memory was faulty. (I doubt he ever owned any lots, so beware of another excuse.) He IM'd me asking me to lunch on his way out of town, which I couldn't make. He IM'd me again after he'd eaten saying he was on his way out of town and coverage was bad, warning me he was going to lose computer signal. Reality was, though she and her address were unknown to me at the time, he was almost at another woman's doorstep that he was also involved with, Kim from Magnolia, and he had arrived at her home to spend the weekend with her. He escaped her company and IM'd me late that night, 2:00 a.m., when he knew I'd be sleeping and said he was up late gambling, another late night lie to both Kim and I to reinforce his "legitimacy" with me. I have a copy of that IM. He tried to juggle both Kim and I locally. At the same time that I didn't trust him, yet I still didn't understand why he would again seek me out if he were involved elsewhere. The futility in that still didn't make any sense within "our" value system, but how little did I know. I did not accept that someone who understood, recited, devoutly discussed and debated biblical perspectives of Scripture so well, could then so easily revile God and his Word. I kept the faith from the example of the thief on the cross and I held out hope. Again in retrospect, I have no idea how many I was actually sharing him with. This was in February, 2007.

Shortly after this in another rage, he created his last public scene with me, again with police being summoned, at the IHOP restaurant on Lake Conroe where he'd bolted through the door screaming obscenities at me and at a man I was sitting with, "You skin headed son-of-a-b**ch . . ." (and that was only the "mild" part). I was sitting having coffee with another man I'd been introduced to after a party I'd attended that night with mutual friends, who was gracious enough to meet me there and keep me company before I drove home. There wasn't and hasn't been any romantic involvement and he remains (surprisingly after James' initial introduction) a very good friend and Christian mentor to this day. James intimidated, embarrassed, and then stalked this man to his home, following him with his truck continually backing off then speeding right up onto this man's bumper then slamming on his brakes as though he was going to ram him or run him off the road. I was in the truck with James, but he had refused to take me home (updated). This friend told me later that night, James returned and watched his house until early morning. All this, while James was also carrying on with Kim, whom James never mentioned and I was of course unaware, just like with Almeta. I didn't keep any secrets. But this was the second man, while he was continually sexually involved elsewhere, that he used in trying to manipulate my innocent behavior to attempt through anger, sympathy, guilt, blame or whatever means he could think of to control my behavior. This is the second example of James' hypocrisy and deceit at its finest. Are you beginning to see the pattern, with jealously and with outrageous and unpredictable behavior, he will attempt to dominate and manipulate you, demanding and expecting fidelity while he is sleeping with anyone he can find, all behind his mask of "love." But he doesn't love, he can only dominate and possess.

Soon after, James and I attended (he called on short notice and surprisingly with things still raw over the IHOP incident but incorrectly I viewed as another olive branch offering) a weeknight concert at the Houston rodeo and then I stayed on through the weekend at his recently purchased trailer in Onalaska, which was about an hour from my home. But after spending an intimate long weekend together as we worked at his home, getting his refrigerator moved in, digging up a rock garden, riding his motorcycle together, things again just hadn't and didn't feel right. I pressed him for answers about some discrepancies I'd noticed and got his usual spin. He had reminded me, sarcastically and incorrectly, that it had been my fault we'd missed one of the two rodeo concerts the prior year that he gets tickets for annually. I noticed he'd made no mention of the other concert this year. Off guard I had asked flippantly if indeed he loved only me and instead of the expected "of course" his response this time was, "Do you think I've just been wasting my time?" For whatever reason, whether I'd finally learned to recognize the signs or whether it was my subconscious thinking from material I'd been reading about dealing with narcissistic behavior or whether I'd just had enough, more likely some combination of all, this time before I left on Sunday afternoon, I asked no further questions about his behavior as I'd had more than enough spin, more than enough Jekyll and Hyde, and more than enough on and off and very busy indifference and anger. But I had decided to find out instead if he was the one just wasting my time. We had talked about the direction of our relationship and I had gotton his usual appeasing word salad, but I had made it clear that I would not continue with our relationship as it was, and that it was beyond time to get things honest, fulfill his promise to seek counseling, and move forward. He had never sought joint counseling until I was ready to walk out the door, another empty promise. I had told him of some coming changes. It was up to him, I was tired of his anger and absence.

The next day late on Monday, March 12, 2007 James emailed me saying he couldn't marry me, it just wasn't "there" any more and that he was going to "start" dating. Wisely, I hadn't choosen to run out and marry him long ago when he'd wanted to and I had not been thinking of it nor did I mention it then either. I'd guess he purposely "misunderstood" me probably to justify his better story line and hoping to cut deeper. In his new home I'd seen furniture that he'd said he acquired from a second-hand shop. I hadn't believed him. One of the books I'd been reading suggested that to stop a narcissist's behavior, return it in kind (non-violently). Take control and bully him back then he will either back down or run, but either one changes or stops the game. From the last typical outrageous example at IHOP alone (and there were embarrassingly many more), obviously and overzealously he would never let go of me yet I always felt kept at his emotional and physical (presence not sexual) arms' length. I felt like the mouse tossed and trapped between a cat's paws. We were moving no closer toward the honest intimacy I spoke of earlier. So this time I had given him details of what I planned and what I was going to do, instead of what had become mere pleas for mostly ignored boundaries of what he needed to do. In short, I called his bluff. I would be spending more time at his new home with him and not by invitation. I also told him I would eventually be moving in. I had no such plan to sell or move from my comfortable home in the Woodlands to his trailer in Onalaska, though acquiring the trailer and also a tract of four acres of land eventually to build on, had been a part of "our" plan.

Shortly after, he followed up with a second email after I'd called to tell him I'd passed by his home with another friend on our way to a neighboring town wanting to drop something off. He told me in the email that he'd "run into" an old "friend" at the prior rodeo concert and they had decided to take their friendship to a deeper level and they were now "dating." All that pretense and from one who still professed "love." Our relationship that was "supposedly" leading toward marriage was over and he was "already" dating, delivered without empathy and relayed in two emails, as always the emotional coward, after 15 tumultuous months of our "honest and faithful" relationship. I'd given him every opportunity to discuss this that final Sunday we spent together. (Of course they didn't just "run into" each other. I found later he had taken her and another woman to the other rodeo concert and James and Kim had been seeing each other for a few months by then and they had already been spending weekends together, so I'd guess they'd had a fight or she'd become unavailable at the last minute prompting his late invitation to me for what would be our last weekend together. But it kept him from attending the concert and spending the weekend alone or having to find someone else or drive to Mart.)

In his first email he'd still professed that he loved me, but said he could no longer take my constant mistrust and questions. He also said that walking in and seeing me sitting with another man at the IHOP restaurant had "devastated" him. The failure of our relationship, my fault again of course, in his attempt to remain the hero and the victim and to leave the door open. The simple truth still impossible for him. No mention of Kim until this second email the following week. From "do you think I'm just wasting my time" to "I'm now dating" all in the span of a week. But his lie of fidelity was too obvious this time, and would finally be his last for me. The book's suggestion had worked. Though hurtful and confusing, it was not only necessary but long overdue. He'd had to make another choice and he'd made his bed again, but this time he was going to have to be content with it because he would never again be allowed in mine. My fog was finally lifting. And I can assure you that you will be treated no differently.

I immediately enlisted a PI, knowing he'd be back once things were over with this woman, Kim, so it was time to know the truth. But he didn't even wait until they were over, or he didn't tell me they were anyway. He contacted me yet again via an IM at Easter on April 8, less than four weeks later, still not letting go even after all that obviously deceitful game playing, as he'd done so many times before. Also obviously, over didn't really mean over, and by now his behavior was becoming predictable. It probably seems self defeating then, though deceitfully veiled, that he chose to admit Kim's existence despite my warning about no other women. But not really, not once you understand James. He needed to explain a strange car that would be in his driveway, but predictably now, it was primarily for vengeance and to regain control, the apex of his game of life. It's not about love with James, it's about control and self benefit. I had always been difficult for him to control in dictating my behavior, yet before I'd always conceded much freedom from accountability for our relationship based upon his proclamations of fidelity. He was still harboring anger over the IHOP incident that was obvious from our last weekend together, and he couldn't risk accidental exposure of his game to Kim by my stopping in or exposure of the full extent of his deceit to me that they were already playing house. He wanted retaliation for the incident at IHOP and for my audacity to challenge him with my ultimatum, one that would have impeded his womanizing game and his loss of dominance in our relationship. He wanted retaliation and to regain control, to have things continue on, but his way which is only what and when he wants, because of another new infatuation he needed to explore. What better retaliation and regain of control than to hurt and punish me by trying to reduce or temporarily end to resume later our relationship, than by knowing about Kim. After all, he still "owed" me. Of course there was also the vengeance he was "serving up cold," his first threat to me because of my male friendship I had refused to forego long before. Vengeance is always a given with James, and he doesn't forget.
With his pompus ego and his insatiable greed, he thought he could have it all, vengenace, further pursuit of his infatuation with Kim, and regain of control of his long-time security with me.

He gambled on the best way to get all he wanted and for his game to continue. Once he had wreaked his havoc with me, in his insecurity in losing what I'd finally come to realize was only a faithful rock and crutch, it was time to reestablish contact, and so I heard from him again. That's the way his using game of manipulation is played. Obviously he had already been, and I have no doubt would have been again, deceitful and unfaithful to Kim and I both, if he could have made it work. He thought he could manipulate my feelings for him and continue as we always had, evidenced from his repeated attempts. He wanted me to become as others before me I believe had, a sure thing who couldn't let go of him and another open door with acceptance of his behavior and continuation of his game.

Unbelievable after all that time, that he knew me no better than he had. Unbelievable behavior and logic to me, especially after all of his past jealous rages over insignificance that he expected me to ignore in the face of his own deceit and unfaithfulness, his last uncalled for jealous rage less than two months ago, and also since I'd always told him infidelity would be the end. But in his egotistical mind, that is his warped and self serving concept of both, justice and love. But this feeble story of his, finally in obvious unfaithfulness, ended our relationship for me. Remember, his artificially inflated ego blinds him to false infallibility. Also, I had started my investigation, so in light of his recent revelation that he was now dating, I was truly finished and obviously he had ensnared someone else. When he contacted me, trying to pull on my heartstrings again, he'd asked for the journal outlining my feelings that had explained each song I'd selected for a CD I had put together and given him reflecting the course of our relationship that he knew I'd written after we'd gotten back together the last time. But I no longer wanted to play this game. I declined his request, but told him I would pray for him. My failure to cooperate, only led to more retaliation and as much pain and confusion as he could possibly create.

Immediately after, he was purposefully very public with a minutia of detail about himself and Kim, right down to her preference of cocktail, to some of our mutual associations knowing it would all get back to me, basking in the promotion of his false but self righteous public persona to these people while wanting to hurt and humiliate me. Kim is only a few years older than James' own daughter and still has children at home, and James was playing father figure and family man thinking he's impressing all. But a few months later, his relationship with Kim also ended. How did I know? Because that's what he led me to believe when he contacted me yet again, because knowing full well anything less than fidelity was unacceptable, but as usual wanting to pick up and resume as if nothing had happened. Over still wasn't over. I wouldn't ignore his past behavior, he still wouldn't examine or face his behavior honestly. Again, I would accept no more game playing, and reality was still an impossibility for him. I had no need to know beyond what came from James, the truthful outcome of his relationship with Kim, so it was not a part of any further investigation. It was irrelevant because of just more of his same behavior. There would always be someone, if not Kim, then someone else. I saved that IM conversation also. As always with him protecting his fragile ego, his IM was short, vile, and retaliatory once it was obvious he was not going to have his way. His vengeful and pompous choice to tell me about Kim had not brought him the benefit he'd gambled on, not with me anyway.

Then so, his relationship with those mutual associations also ended, as he had no further use of the friends in getting to me and he would again eventually need secrecy about Kim or the next one, if he was ever going to be able to further entice me. I'd guessed Almeta was back to being his alternate again and filling his gap for attention and that Kim was indeed probably gone, because he returned to his constant personals predation on the net again. But now sadly, for her and her children, with his latest felony assault charge in Magnolia, it seems Kim was not gone, or not completely anyway. As usual, instead she was just another in his non-stop search. But he was indeed already continuing the same deceitful and predictable cyclical pathology so common to him by continuing to contact me and pursue others, whether or not she yet realized or accepted it. He will always have someone to fill the gaps. He will never be alone or without having someone, always, to salve his ego before losing any relationship. His insatiable greed and his deceitful choices cost him our relationship, just as it always does. Unfortunately it appears Kim has yet to reach the price she is willing to pay to remain involved with James (updated August).

By the time one relationship is over, someone else is always in place so it's hardly devastating to him even though he continues to pursue, as he always will a possession of his. But once his game with one is impeded and lacking real emotional tie other than ownership, as long as he always has someone, another sure thing available to fall back on and keep him supplied with female companionship and security, this game that is his life continues on to be repeated again and again. His ability to deceitfully court several at once, his unwillingness to let go of one until the next is in place, and his continued pursuit of ownership after, are all symptoms of shallow emotions and his need for an emotional target, an object for him to possess that he transfers from one woman to another. It is need, it is not love.

To him it just becomes a matter of, "next!" because all women truly are just an abstract possession, no different really than choosing another favorite shirt from the closet once it becomes wrinkled, though he may insist it remain in his closet. Me, Almeta, Kim, and the rest, the faces aren't nearly as important as what they will provide while he looks to what the next will bring. The most important thing to James is freedom to play his game, to have at least one object he can possess while he feeds his ego and fills his pockets from other relationships. Nothing or no one will stop him. He will get what he wants or you will incur his wrath to bring you in line, or you will be kept fed unfettered deceit, and the next will be in place before you know she's there for his leverage and self protection. Even then, he gives up nothing easily, ever.

When you cross him, you will see the void in his heart and experience his retaliation. But in the end, it will probably be you who eventually must say (once you figure it out or have had enough), no more. You will be the one that must convince him that over does indeed mean over, that you won't be one of several. And only after he has latched ever strongly onto his next, will he turn loose of you, just as he did with me and certainly others before me. James can't break that cycle any more than he can stop breathing, he hasn't in 55 years. James does not understand that any foundation built upon lies will never thrive, much less survive forever. But after all his divorces, all his relationships, and all the choices he's made and continues to make, I sadly believe that lesson is lost forever on James.

Those are just two specific examples of his lying about other women. There are more incidents and more women I could relay. But notice and understand that he has no qualms about having lunch with one woman and directly meeting up with another, that happened regularly. He has no qualms about sleeping with one woman in his bed and the next night sleeping in the very same place with someone else, that too happened regularly. He has no qualms about whispering words of love to at least two or three women at the same time. I believe even that happened, while of course deceiving all. And all that happened under his false persona, a righteous, faithful, hard working man with me. His juggling women results in habitual tardiness, no shows, and absences (though always excused away for a "noble" cause) while he serves only his own purpose, for as long as it lasts. He feels no compassion other than self serving and he exhibits no guilt for any of it. He is impulsive, craves the excitement of the chase and public affirmation, and needs constant stimulation. If he is not with you, once he's out of your sight you can count on him calling on another woman.

In retrospect, as soon as he would leave Almeta in Mart, he would be almost frantic to get in touch with me, leaving multiple messages so he could reassure himself and have his next in line ready to entertain him by the time he drove back. The very same behavior he displayed as he IMed me right up until he reached Kim's door and again upon his exit. That addiction, carried out without a shred of conscience, is the sustaining fulfillment in his life.

Seven months after our relationship ended, we'd had no involvement but some communication. Any time he contacted me, however, he would still refuse honesty or openness. I no longer allow him to sweep his behavior under the rug, and instead I thwart his nonsense with reality. Understand that his game will always be more important than any one face, as long as there is someone. I'd seen him only once in that time and in the very same IHOP restaurant on Lake Conroe. But both of us were there with someone of the opposite gender, so other than his usual behavior of barely sitting the woman down and then striding back and forth in front of me going to the men's room, there was no trouble. Shortly after that he IM'd me again, initiated this time because he said he wanted to purchase one of my trucks, as he had recently totaled his. Through my own investigations, I already knew he had totaled his not recently but months ago. And when I asked about his discrepancy in timeframe, I got more of his spin. His usual ploy for my sympathy and temperature and with buying the truck as a built in excuse to protect his ego (certainly by now he realized I do not allow him to make money off of me from reselling my equipment), fell on always concerned but deaf ears. But soon into our conversation, I discovered he was masturbating to my fully clothed image from the web cams, which we'd never before used for any sexual purpose. His behavior was inappropriate and I was shocked. When I confronted him, he said, "Well, it's not as if we don't know each other." I relayed my disgust and disbelief. He quickly signed off, but not before his standard procedure of wagging his finger of blame at me by writing, "not interested in u runnin me down again,.." I have that IM conversation saved along with all the others.

Again in taking no responsibility for his perverted behavior, his ego will accept no admonition, that is always perceived as a direct attack. To James, any recognition of fault threatens to shatter a very fragile and false existence. It reinforced not only my suspicion of his pathological personality but also the predatory and perverted sexual appetite that is commonly part of it. By now obvious to me that his having a web cam had not been to enhance our communication, but for internet sex with other women as his choice of many pornographic web sites show. Again, he has no respect for women, they are merely an object for his use. He will remain accommodating only as long as you are willing to expand his bubble without recrimination or expectation. You will see strong emotion when he wants something, is angry, or is fearful. When he's faced with losing control you may see tears (or rages) for your misbehavior, or in his jealousy it's fear of losing his supply (you), or in possible exposure such as the incident above, you'll see rages in retaliation. I saw it all. He exhibits no guilt or shame, he has no sense of decency, only a blind and larger than life sense of self worth and entitlement in whatever perversion he can generate.

He will try to isolate you in addition to trying to dominate you. That's another turn the relationship will take, so you will be dependent upon him for your companionship (his behavior makes your friendships risky because of his jealous rages with male friends and his attempts at amorous cultivation of your female friends), and you will remain always available to him. A younger woman still with children to care for serves several coveted purposes for him. As I said, we had initially agreed to retain innocent opposite sex friendships. The concept of an innocent friendship is elementary with honesty to me, but in practice with deceit it becomes just another convenient excuse, as it did with him but only when it suited his benefit alone. His entertainment consists of his Harley and other women. He has few other interests and no close male friends. And when you split up, your girlfriends will be his first targets he will hit on, either to use to get to you or romantically. I saw him try both.

The time he had his emotional breakdown and I had been so concerned with his heart wrenching behavior, at my suggestion that he find and talk with a close male friend to help him sort through what I thought were his conflicted emotions about how to work through our problems when instead reality was he was conflicted about not getting me to do what he wanted and gaining control of me, he said he had no one he could talk to. I'd never seen Mark and I'd never seen that he had even one close male friend. He later said he did talk with a sister and with an elderly former male neighbor, but it's anyone's guess if he did or what it was he talked about. What is certain, is that when he's not with you, he's with another woman because he keeps no close male friendships and he will come to resent any friendships you have. His infidelity will become your lack of trust or concern for him. And he will stalk, then accuse you of stalking. He will cheat, then accuse you of cheating. He will lie, then accuse you of lying, as he did me in his effort to isolate and control. But for all of his behavior, whether perceived as negative or positive, it is out of a need to dominate. Again, it is need, it is not love.

James will use others, including your friends and acquaintances to undermine you and reinforce his "righteous" public image. He'll discard them as soon as he's done with them. Using those you know just gives him added pleasure because it adds to your confusion, embarrassment, and depth of betrayal. Preceding the incident in March 2007 with Kim and broadcasting to the mutual associations I mentioned previously, that was predicated by an incident a few months prior when we were in the final stages of the demise of our relationship. After a disagreement about not spending Christmas together that he attempted to blame on family obligations, I was finished with his indifference and with our relationship again and we parted. But James' loss of control does not come about easily or without retaliation. He chose an emotionally vulnerable woman to involve in a scheme of retaliation who was the administrator of a web site for a group of motorcycle enthusiasts called Lonestarbikers, where he'd found and followed me. This administrator was warned by a former female friend of mine he'd used previously in getting to me, that his advances were merely manipulation. She ignored the warning. He stalked and baited me online, made threats and then with this administrator's blessing, together they publicly posted a fictitious but extremely vile, degrading, and defamatory post that resulted in both of them being banned from the site at that time by the site owner. A few months later James maniplated her loyalty by introducing Kim to this woman's newly formed group after they had been outted, used her new group site to publicize his affair with Kim to me, then walked away from them all when his relationship with Kim ended or at least when he wanted me to think it had. James respects no boundaries and he will use and manipulate anyone in getting what he wants. Your friends and even your most intimate secrets, however subjected to his spin, are not sacred with him. And he doesn't just talk, he posts publicly. He craves publicity until it backfires, and then he cries foul.

The Much More

Besides sexual predation and manipulation, James "borrows" whatever he can get his hands on and then convinces himself and enlists others in his cause that it was owed. He used law enforcement, the owner of the equipment yard, and even his own son, after he too had used me when he briefly worked for my company, but I had found him unmanageable and demanding compensation he wasn't entitled to. Now knowing more of the truth, I think James' behavior went beyond borrowing. What he couldn't extort, and appropriately and thankfully I handed him very little beyond chump change, I believe he just took, and/or planned to anyway. I loaned him $350 at Christmas 2006, a year ago to pay for his motorcycle repair bill when he'd had a chip added (I usually rode behind him) and to buy his adult daughter's Christmas present (sadly the amount for the present was minimal in comparison). He had the unnecessary chip added, yet was so destitute he claimed to be counting out prescription meds he'd stockpiled and was going to sell according to his IM's to me. He'd been on meds since January, obtained via workers' comp benefits, as far as I knew. I'd also loaned him a new Harley seat and a large shop vac. None have been repaid or returned. Though we'd agreed to bury our past differences over wage compensation, he said my shop vac was stolen out of the back of his truck and he claimed I'd given him the $250 seat. More likely, it was still retaliation for our past money differences and for a comment he hadn't liked I'd made about wondering about getting my shop vac back. A detective I'd become acquainted with from a prior equipment theft investigation from Texas DPS filed a theft report on my seat for me and said he would pick it up or I could retrieve it at any time. I eventually decided James needed it worse than I. That too is verifiable.

There are more examples, but obviously now, nothing was ever honest or above board with him. In 12 years in business, I'd never had a major piece of equipment stolen. That changed while I knew James, and he had provided a storage lot and had been paid to work on my equipment. He and I would have a major altercation, then a short time later I would find a piece of equipment stolen. Those facts were reported and are verified, not at the local County level but at the State level. DPS still has not yet charged or arrested anyone. The investigation continues. Also in December 2006, he'd found land "we" needed to purchase for "our" future home with a cash down payment and owner financing for the balance. We looked at the property a couple times and discussed the purchase. He suggested he'd sell his motor home and use the proceeds for his share of the down payment. When push came to shove he told me even without yet having his money, he expected me to include his name on the property. I refused each time he suggested it. I offered to purchase the property and contractually change mutual ownership when he had his money. Then he attempted to strong arm me by driving almost all the way to the property owner to negotiate the purchase when at the last minute he again insisted that his name be included without his contribution. I again refused, he became angered, and we again separated. He wouldn't then disclose the seller's name and I interpreted that as more vengeance to prevent me from pursuing the purchase after we'd separated. But my real estate broker later determined that a widow owned the property, not a male as he'd claimed, and the property never was nor never would be for sale. At the end of 2006 and the beginning of 2007 he'd said and he appeared to be, desperate for money. We were looking for land for "our" future home at the end of 2006 and it was discussed after we again reconciled yet again in early 2007. But by mid-March, 2007, he was moving Kim in
. I think it was obvious to James by then that I protected my assets, except in the case of theft, much better than I had my heart.

Earlier in our land purchase discussions, he'd stated he was going to try to sell his older motor home, possibly to his brother who deals in resale. James lived either in his motor home or in a garage sleeping room provided by his daughter's boyfriend where they lived in the attached home in Houston. His motor home was in need of repair and had no heat or air conditioning because of some electrical conversion problem he'd described. Because of that, he had moved back into the sleeping room in Houston. But the room was available only temporarily because the boyfriend had purchased a house and they were getting ready to move out of this rental home. James was also going to lose his sleeping room. He stated the motor home's value to be around $12K unrepaired, $18K with necessary repairs. He had said he was going to use the proceeds from the sale to pay for his share of the land before our disagreement occurred
. He needed a place to live, and the malfunctioning motor home had not sold. A month or so later his motor home "burned to the ground while parked at a remodel house he was working on in Waco" he later told me via an IM. It was reported to me by a State official after we ended, that the insurance report stated the address where it was parked when it burned was Almeta's, the woman from Mart. He also told me he had, luckily, previously removed valuables, such as a custom mattress and other personal items before the fire. Once he received his insurance check, he told me he purchased a trailer on a lot+ in Onalaska, Texas from the insurance proceeds and from the balance of an unpaid tractor repair bill the owner still owed him, and he was moved in by early March, 2007.

He went from destitution in December to purchasing a trailer home for cash, he said, the following March, in less than three months. Estimated value of the property listed under the owner's name, taken from a 3-year-old census, lists appraised value at $26,000, current market value would be higher and valuation appears to be on four lots without the trailer. The trailer was in need of repair. Comps for at least one lot and a modest trailer range from $35K upwards. And he'd been approved for workers' comp benefits for the entire prior year just after he and I had met, since January 2006, from what he'd said and what I had seen.

Since he'd told me he was always working, he had mentioned the checks were not always received or received timely and he'd said he had argued with both a caseworker and a physician, though he seemed to continue ongoing medical treatment. In another IM to me, he relayed a caseworker suggesting he seek evaluation for depression, sometimes a result from being jobless, which he said he did. In that IM I had teased him about "putting on a show" with the female worker as we bantered back and forth, because depression was not among the symptoms either of us thought he usually displayed, just the opposite. Also, from what he said it appeared he'd had a lifetime of intermittent or self employment with no mention of previous depression. In retrospect from what he'd said and done, it appears he was either looking for a permanent disability or a way of demanding his short-lived job back from an already dissident employment relationship.

The job had been obtained via a recommendation from a woman he said he'd had a brief sexual liaison with just before meeting me (mentioned previously and he had not been forthright about her circumstances either) who also worked there and that he'd also met on the net. But he had clashed with a superior, according to him. Now it seems obvious to me, just more con games, gain from another woman, resentful of authority, vindictive in the name of "justice," looking for any free ride, an established pattern. He later bragged, as he did previously and publically on the net, about being a land owner and to me without a mortgage, only believable because highly unlikely he could qualify for a loan. But obviously, there was a deficit between his stated resources and the purchase price, if indeed he managed to accomplish that "deal." If so, it was unconventional, and property tax rolls show no transfer yet of ownership of any lots and with delinquent taxes owed. "Unconvention" seems to be his way of life.

Reality is, I believe, that James is a con artist and "hustler" (with three theft convictions in 1971, 1977 and 1988) to make his living and he finds work just to cover and supplement when "business" is slow. But for all of his claims to me that he was gone working daily, in his latest emails concerning this recent investigation of him for insurance fraud, he claimed to me in an email, "I worked a few times sporadically part time." So which was it, as both cannot be true. Whatever serves his current purpose becomes the truth for James. Nothing ever adds up with him. It is the responsibility of law enforcement to determine illegalities in his activities. But he also wrote, "Hope you can swallow your deeds." What is it exactly I am supposed to have trouble swallowing, the truth? Again, nothing is ever his fault. Remember, his artificially inflated ego blinds him to false infallibility. Instead, I hope James does have trouble swallowing his own deeds, then just maybe it would show in him a shred of conscience and some reason for that glimmer of hope I still hold that he find himself. Innocence and truth are always the best defense against accusation. And whoever is with him will bear the brunt of his "mistakes" unless you are involved along with him and lending acceptance to his behaviors. That is labeled, enabling.

Though now removed, James' last DDHG post was an excellent public example of his typical behavior and how he deals with all of life. He takes the truth and the responsibility for his ulterior actions, then manipulates and fabricates lies in his attempt to shift the blame onto others and avoid responsibility for his own behavior, portraying himself not only as innocent but as either a victim and/or a hero. That is evident in my saved copy of those removed posts. He must lie and manipulate his abnormal and abominable behavior to present himself as something he just is not. His quest for vengeance for every self perceived offense is a given, and he will go to any length for secrecy and to protect his phony bravado. He rails against authority and he ignores boundaries and rules of society and of common decency. Life with him was a roller coaster existence of absence, deceit and secrecy. It wasn't a battle of wills over principles or justice, as I once thought. Our disagreements were his ego battles over dominance and excuses to be gone to cover his secret existence. Anyone who can romantically and sexually pilfer and deceive at least three different women all at the same time in the name of love, cannot know any justice other than what he invents in his own mind.

James is a predator, especially of women searching under the pretense of love, but in reality it's for a deranged sense of power as he looks for a free ride while hiding a tremendous entitlement chip on his shoulder as he gleans whatever he can through deception and manipulation, obvious to me once I got out of the fog. In the confusion and misery he causes women if you cross him, he takes his pleasure and establishes his self worth. He enjoys your pain because it makes him feel superior. I know, I've seen it. At the same time, he also collects any spoils he can grab, whatever you give him or allow him access to or even knowledge of, whether that be sex, a subservient nature, a blind or forgiving eye, emotional support, a roof over his head, use of your pool when he needs to entertain his son, vehicle financing or cosignature, money, credit, a job, your assets, your inheritance or whatever it may be you have to offer that interests him. With methodic stealth he will stalk. It's not you or love for you that keeps him, it's what you can provide him. Eventually you will have to face that.

He is like the proverbial junk yard dog, an analogy I've also shared with him, mentally uncivilized, lying in wait to attack, and not to be trusted. Sound advice I learned the hard way is do not try to understand, sympathize, or help. Do not even as much as walk up to the gate of his junk yard full of problems. Once you do you can't just run away, but you must back away ever vigilant because James will attack from any angle and he will bite the hand carrying the stick or the hand carrying the food. It is now obvious to me he does not have the capacity to desire or appreciate a difference. His choices are made with greed and malevolent disposition and he believes he is owed whatever he can grab, and without regret or second thought. And that behavior didn't just begin, he's been locked in that junk yard from a young age and the key is not something he is concerned with finding. Don't be fooled by his history or his rendition of his past including past relationships. No matter his story, his relationships have all taken the same path.

But James will tell you how good he was to most of the women in his past. With his longest marriage to his third wife, as described by an acquaintance of his, she is a subservient Pentecostal woman whom James publically often verbally abused and alleged she did file a domestic abuse complaint. I asked James if he'd ever been accused of domestic violence. Probably not knowing if I'd heard any local talk, he passed it off to me that she had, but as marital positioning in the divorce that he said she later dropped. He also said his third wife eventually became too clingy and emotionally unstable, he even blamed it on menopause, causing their divorce. Possibly he'll also glibly tell you he "gave" her in their divorce the house he built that maybe he'll proudly drive you by, as he did me. But I now sadly understand that even in his longest-term marriage, taking the selfish authority to do as he chose, as he always will, and yet always having someone faithful to come home to, with his behavior the end result has been and eventually always will be the very same.

James won't look inward, but either he eventually uses people up or else he finds the better deal. But his search to fill the void in his emotionless heart will not end. And as I see it, that's still the same relationship he's trying to replicate today. It seems he has that relationship with Almeta and will with whomever he takes up with next, an open door while he continues his never ending search and feeds his addictions. But he doesn't have the public or personal self coveted stigma of acceptence and the false security of someone always being there, found in a marriage which he wants, but under his terms which will not include his fidelity or honesty though he will never admit that to himself, much less to you. It's my guess Almeta is experiencing the same behavior, and either she's denying it or they've arrived at mutual dependence, probably facilitated by the distance. He tried to replicate the same with me. He wanted to jump into marriage number five with me, knowing I'm long-time independent and self supporting and both faithful and abhorring of divorce. But once it becomes evident that a woman won't settle for his agenda or that there is no free ride, the relationship becomes for him whatever he can take and his hunt continues for something he will never find. He clings tightly to the surest things for as long as he can or until he thinks something better comes along. He will use you for as long as you allow it, whether he is married or not, I don't know if he can't see it or he just chooses not to. Denial is a powerful pathology. I see this as the real story of James' life and his never ending cycle of pathology. I have suggested to him that the blatant truth in what he seeks would be easier for everyone rather than his deceit and denial, but then that would stop the psychological high he receives from his "victories" that come at your expense.

Someone may again be fooled into marrying him one day, it would be at least his fifth, that he admits anyway, and I believe that is also exactly what happened in his last marriage with the woman from out of state he'd also met on the net. She was much younger than him as he prefers, pregnant, had other children and likely had no idea what she was moving herself and her children into, probably neither of them did, resulting in a 55 year old man with an 8 year old son whose parents were married less than a year. He relayed stories of her daughters' resistance to his rules, so he said he would lock them out of the house. James told me their relationship was over by the time his son was delivered. He also relayed a dark retaliatory comment about the c-section delivery and this woman that I will repeat only in private. I remember it well, even if he claims he doesn't. He bragged about master minding a plan to get her out of the house for nonpayment and managed to have only minimal child support decreed. He bragged about going through lawyers and said he ended up representing himself in their divorce, presenting himself as victim yet hero to me and her as villain. Now I know better. She is more likely a normal woman who took the difficult path of finding out who James really is. So don't rely on anything he tells you about his past relationships, as I and others have, especially if you have dependent children. It will be just his spin. His behavior and his multiple relationships, I am now convinced, will not stop. They never have yet anyway, in all of his 55 years. And that statement is not only my opinion, but was stated verifiably by those closest to him.

I will leave you with one more parting example. After March 12, 2007 and until I posted my first post on DDHG at the end of October same year, he constantly displayed on his Yahoo Messenger status line this same picture of him sprawled across his Harley that I had taken, the same picture that is on Plenty of Fish under his third screen name walkingtall52, Camazon, and that you see here. He told me it was his favorite picture because it kept us connected. His message line read, "The motorcycle I sit on tells the world where I stand."

For those unfamiliar with motorcycles, a Harley owner considers them one of a select group, elite, one that stands above the rest. His public deceit was so repulsive to me after discovering the truth about him, that I IM'd him telling him so. He was sitting on an old Harley that he owed $350 for repairs, the seat was loaned to him that he refused to return, and he'd told me a lender was looking to repo the motorcycle for default on a $9,000 refinanced loan against it, more than the bike was worth according to him. I asked him then and I'll ask again, so exactly where is it you stand, James? In his grandiosity, sense of entitlement, and denial, he refuses to acknowledge one more blatant example of his hypocritical fantasy existence. This is the deceit he presents to women and this also fueled my desire to post the truth.

I have written through my eyes as honestly as I am able and have interspersed my opinions based on what he told me, the facts of his behavior I witnessed and investigated, and professional opinions I sought. I believe the pendulum of wealth can swing in any direction throughout life at any given time. Physically as far as I know James still has few assets, no steady employment, no retirement, child support to pay until he is 66, and now a future State of Texas repayment and/or another prison term, with one felony conviction pending, another now awaiting indictment (update). I always told James that his worldly possessions were irrelevant to me. I believe that it's not where you live but how, as we had agreed so long ago based on Scripture. But emotionally I found James selfishly offers only confusion, chaos, and pathology, hardly the Godly leader of an earthly family as he portrayed himself to me. I believe everyone has the right to make decisions, but those decisions should be based on truth and not on a predatory web of deceit and non-reality he weaves on unsuspecting, normal and trustful people, especially women, especially on the net. I also believe true success is born from an honorable place deep within, and I believe for James that place just does not exist, nor can it be invented and is against all odds that it can be repaired. Carefully read the traits of a sociopath and the invaluable information found on the web sites: lovefraud, narcissim.operationdoubles (scan down past the tennis info), and cyberpaths.blogspot.

When I met James I emphasized the importance I placed on Scriptural beliefs and iterated clearly that I valued honesty, faithfulness, and individual freedom above all else as long as the priority of the relationship came second only to God. Self sufficient, I required little beyond truth and a committed heart. He could have respected that and left us as friends, considering his lifestyle and because he was already involved. But James respects little, and nothing is held above self gratification. For all of his initial infatuation and his internal and external posturing to do it right this time as he voiced to me both before and after, James couldn't provide the "hand in hand walk with God" that he claimed he was looking for too, and instead I got only deceit and betrayal, the very same as anyone will who is ever involved with him while he continues to reap his spoils. There will always be someone else when you meet him and there will always be someone else for him to fall back on or run to, his history and his pathology bear this out. No relationship can survive someone who runs and hides under another woman's skirt, instead of someone who stands and delivers what they've promised, in a sick game of noncompromising unreality. There's little commitment beyond self, never has been probably never will be. That's self defeating behavior in pursuit of futility, in my opinion. It is very sad to ponder his chase for t
his empty existence he perceives as enviable, and how many more women's lives he will adversely impact and lead down a path of deceit, acquiescence and/or dependence. You'll be just a possession, a crutch who temporarily supplies his needs, no matter your patience, your hopes, or your denial. I certainly don't claim to be uncomplicated or without fault, and I stand on no pedestal of righteousness. But I do strive to be an honest and faithful person, and that will continue. Everything happens for a reason and I have learned many valuable lessons.

One very important lesson I hope you take with you is, dangerous people don't look a certain way nor do they necessarily reside behind bars. Evil is having no conscience and it presents itself in varying degrees and lives indistinguishably among us. The book, "The Sociopath Next Door," is an enlightening book that makes some sense of senseless behavior. I consider myself fortunate because physically I lost little which isn't always the case when dealing with someone like James, but what a phenominal waste of emotional energy, along with hurt, sadness, utter frustration and not to omit risk, physical, emotional, and financial, spent on unnecessary and preventable foolhardiness and fantasy. Please get informed and know the signs before it happens to you.

James' behavior didn't start with me nor will it end with me. His behavior doesn't change. The only thing that changes are the faces of the women he uses for his own selfish benefit. Much of James' behavior has been public, witnessed by many. What happened between us privately, I captured by saving almost all of our conversations via text messages, phone messages, IMs, emails, my personal journal, and input from outside agencies. I have copies of his web activity I refer to. My plan is eventually to share it all, if he makes it necessary by any additional vengeance and/or retaliation of any kind. I am not "meddling" in his life as he stated when he accused me of the responsibility of his fraud investigation. I'm exposing a con artist's deceitful and pathetic game after he most certainly did deceitfully "meddle" in my life. I believe I can verify everything I've presented even as I can also justify my personal opinions. He will spin whatever you allow him to spin exactly as his behavior shows. My goal was to tell the truth about my experience with James. It's an experience I do not wish to repeat but neither do I wish his deceit and abuse upon other unsuspecting women. Domestic abuse literature educates us that abuse occurs in many forms beside personal battery. Verbal and emotional abuse and physically throwing things against the walls in my home in a rage are all forms of abusive behavior. And I will clarify that James is a bully when you challenge him, but his rages have not yet escalated to battery of my person though I cannot say I have never been fearful. I think his rages are evidence of a ticking time bomb in times of anger or desperation, and he was always bent on retaliatory behavior. Repeating his recent aggressive behavior again in Magnolia, strengthens this belief. Domestic abuse guidelines also dictate that the only way to stop abusive behavior is to expose it. I've tried to do my part to that end.

James' first public threat I received long ago was, "Vengeance is best when it's served up cold." His latest displayed on February 24, 2008 after an attempt was made to serve the arrest warrant for fraud was, "Show no mercy on the sorry bastards." I will only say to James, be cautious with any further underhanded vengeance, because the playing field has been leveled and your old advantages are now long gone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In June 2008 and again in July, there was someone local visiting this blog many times and for hours at a time, and this same person/computer had also visited soon after it was initially published. On June 23, 2008 this same visitor again viewed the blog, and on that same day I received an invitation from James to view his web cam. I will repeat here again publically to James that I am living in reality, will remain there, and will leave you to your own chaos. The next day, on June 24, both James and this visitor viewed my blog.

On July 28, 2008 James' Driver's License picture appeared on the Montgomery County Crime Stoppers page in the local paper listing that a warrant had been issued against him for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, supposedly for an incident back in April. According to law enforcement he allegedly had been in a domestic altercation, thankfully this time reported, in Magnolia, Texas allegedly involving a woman, and a man possibly with a gun that James tried to run down with his vehicle. I won't again mention names because the names remain immaterial, though certainly not unimportant to those involved. You continue to reap what you sow, James, and I think those involved both now and in the future deserve information and notification. Sadly, as I've previously said, it seems only the faces change as the same drama of your life continues with everyone you touch (updated August).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You darkly used the pedestal of religion and readily quoted scripture to aid in convincing me you were the Godly man I was seeking. By my faith, you knew I would fight fiercely for you and for your soul. But that tie no longer binds. All that remains between us yet is possibly just a bit of unfinished business. I also told you when we met that I was the wrong person for a horse trader to deal with because, heeding my grandfather's warning from the past as I relayed to you so long ago, I'm not the one who will be left on foot. My grandfather was a wise and faithful man. In addition, Job and I do have something in common though you accused me otherwise, not unlike only the one single similarity that it seems you share with David, as I came to realize. We were both incorrect. You continued to try to manipulate my faith right up to the end when in return to my parting message of Divine forgiveness after you'd again recently contacted me, you not only blamed me for your current fraud predicament, but you also accused me of being religiously hypocritical by responding with, "You say all that then open the can of worms, does not compute." The Word always computes and as I've told you many times, I stand upon the Word. I didn't open this can of worms, you did. Instead, I am closing it. I am not Pentecostal, but I now know subservience is of universal design and it does not enslave it enhances, and love and forgiveness do not sweep sin under the rug, it is to be duly dealt with in mercy and justice. Give truth the chance it deserves, James. Therein lies your victory.

I will continue to remember James in prayer, but James Crenshaw is God's battle, not mine nor should he be any woman's.